Customer Care

Phone Call 1

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things
in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not
fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which
was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care
department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization
for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):


Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"

Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away."

Operator:         "Went away?"

Caller:              "They disappeared."

Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller:              "Nothing."

Operator:         "Nothing??"

Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller:              "How do I tell?"

Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the

Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."

Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller:              "What's a monitor?"

Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's     on??"

Caller:               "I don't know."

Operator:         "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller:              "Yes, I think so."

Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              "Yes, it is."

Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller:              "No."

Operator:         "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."

Caller:              "Okay, here it is."

Operator:         "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."

Caller:               "I can't reach."

Operator:         "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller:               "No."

Operator:         "Even if you maybe put your knee on something
and lean way over??"

Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."

Operator:         "Dark??"

Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window.

Operator:         "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller:               "I can't."

Operator:         "No? Why not??"

Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."

Operator:         "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've
got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??"

Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator:         "Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when  you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

Caller:               "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator:         "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller:               "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell

Operator:         "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a


Phone Call 2

Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised that I need it.

If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back



Phone Call 3

Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer:                "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Phone Call 4

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't
get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Phone call 5

Samsung Electronics

Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator:     "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking

Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack
before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator:     "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".


Phone Call 6

RAC Motoring Services

Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me
when I am travelling in Australia ?"

Operator:    "Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

Phone Call 7

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in
France ):

"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?"

Phone Call 8

Directory Enquiries

Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff

Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling

Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but
the 'B' fell off".

Phone Call 9

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in

Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
Scotland ".

Phone Call 10

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds
from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on".

Phone Call 11

Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer:             "OK".

Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer:             "No".

Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up

Customer:             "No".

Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done
up until this point?".

Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote