Wife: Honey ... What are You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour!
Husband: I was just looking for the expiration date...
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet...
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman! What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: " A billionaire."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a horrible curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."