Glasgow edition of Windows XP

Dear Colleague,

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads “WINDAES XP” with a background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a Buckfast screen saver.

Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled Oot tae f*ck
Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates
Control Panel is known as How Tae F*ck Aboot Wi The Settins
Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk
Floppies are known as Them Wee Plastic B@<hidden>@<hidden>

Other features:
OK = its aww-right
cancel = f*ck off
yes = aye
no = nay f*ckin’ chance
find = get it yer f*ckin’ sel’
go to = orr therr
help = ah cannae dae it
stop = gie’s f*ckin peace
start = f*ckin’ move settings = settins
programs = stuff at does stuff
personal folder = ma sh1t

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES XP:
tiperiter = a word processor
cullerin book = a graphics program
addin mershene = calculator
scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)
sounds = CD player
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
pikchers = a graphics viewer
dole money = Microsoft accounting software
Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.’s recent scores
tax records = usually an empty file
Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent’s Super

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version