1. "Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly
wind" is good weather!
2. The only sausage you like is "square".
3. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high
school.
4. You know a wide vocabulary of random Scottish words - an idiot is "a
numpty". "Aye"- yes. "Aye Right"-not likely. "Auldjin"- someone over 40.
"Baltic"-freezing. "Dry yer eyes"- aww..diddums. "Dry Boak"- sickened.
etc
5. You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your supper from
the chippy: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken (but not
mars bars) etc...
6. You used to love destroying your teeth when you were young;
Buchanan's toffees, wham bars, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola Cubes, etc
7. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever the Scotland national
football team play a "diddy" team that we will lose to.
8.You happily engage in a conversation about the weather. "Dreich day
eh? Aye at least the wind has died down"
9.Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon
Blue, Big Country etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club abroad and
they play something Scottish. (you'll probably even ask the DJ to play it…)
10. You take a perverse level of pride by the fact that Scotland has the
highest number of alcohol and smoking related deaths in Europe. At least
we know how to party, "Yer a lang time deed".
11. You used to get up really early on a Saturday/Sunday to watch
cartoons when you were a kid. You watched Glen Michael's Cartoon
Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his sidekick oil lamp called Paladin.
You remember Glen giving Paladin a good hard stroke!.
12. You were given an Oor Wullie or Broons Annual at Christmas.
13. You have come in from the pub pi**ed with flatmates and watched an
episode of Weirs Way engrossed by a little guy with a bobbly hat walking
around Scotland.
14. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent. E.g.
Glaswegian: "Awright pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Record,
cheers, magic pal" Fifer: "Aye, that wifie is getting it oan wi a laddie fae
the butchers" Dundonian: "Twa bridies, a plen ane in an ingin ane an a"
Aberdonian: "Fit ya bin up tae, fair few quines in the night eh?" Invernesian:
"Ah-ee, Right Enufff! "How's you keeeeeepeeeen?".
15. You see police and hear someone shout "Errrapolis"
16. You have participated in or witnessed people having a "square go".
17. You know that when someone asks you which school you went to,
they actually want to know if you're a protestant or a catholic.
18. You have eaten lots of random Scottish food like Bridies, Aberdeen
Rowies(butteries), Mince & Tatties, Haggis, Cullen Skink, Stovies,
Tunnock's Teacakes/Snowballs, Scott's Porridge Oats, Macaroon Bars,
Baxters Soup, Scotch Pies, Scotch Eggs, Oatcakes, Shortbread,
Arbroath Smokies etc.
19. A jakey has asked you for money: "Got any spare change hen?"
20. You wait expectantly for your 1p change from the shopkeeper.
21.You know the right response to 'yoo dancin' is 'yoo askin', followed by
'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin!!'
22. You know that whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of
vomit because that's what the "jannies" used to chuck on it.
23. You lose all respect for a groom that doesn't wear a kilt to his wedding.
24. You don't do the groceries or shopping, you do the "messages".
25.You've been sitting quietly on the train/bus and then a drunk man sits
beside ye..telling ye a 'joke' ..and saying "I'm no annoying ye am a
hen/pal?" You: "Not at all...yer fine...'a think this is ma stop!!"
26.You know a Scottish male can have a telephone conversation using
only the words "Awright", "Aye" and "Naw".
27. You have experienced the peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink
after you've ordered something non-alcoholic. "Mon, have a drink, whit's
wrang, ye driving? Naw. Are you no well? Naw. Get yersel a drink, (other
folk-Wahey!)
28.You know ye cannae fling pieces oot a twenty storey flat, seven
hundred hungry weans'll testify, to that. If it's butter, cheese or jeely, if the
breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are ninety-nine tae
wan.
29. You know that going to a party at a friends house means bring your
own drinks
30.Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a "heatwave" in
Scotland while you're away.