Why is it disabled people always get the parking spaces closest to the
shops?
As if they're not lazy enough - I mean, half of them spend their life in
a chair
I was looking through some old photos last night when I came across one
of my Gran on her wedding day.
It wiped off easy enough
It seems that the recent double plane crash in Coventry was an attempted
9/11-style terrorist attack.
Hijackers seized control of both planes, but after flying around for a
few hours looking for something in Coventry worth blowing up, they just
got bored and crashed into each other instead.
Don't bother wasting money on subscribing to expensive adult web sites
or calling 0898 phone numbers.
Just phone your local department store and ask them to describe their
latest selection of ladies' lingerie, while masturbating furiously.
What's the quietest album in the world?
Stephen Hawking unplugged
People can be so 'in your face' these days. Only last night a complete
stranger asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.
I told him that, actually, I liked hairy fannies, but it turned out that
this wasn't an option with the KFC bargain bucket
Jade Goody has cancer, and she claims that she is worried that hair loss
might ruin her looks.
Nice to see she hasn't lost her sense of humour.
I love Olympic gymnastics, probably the first time in my life it has
been acceptable to have a wank over someone named "Shawn."
In response to news that Jade Goody has cervical cancer, a spokesperson
for Big Brother has said,
"it doesn't surprise me, she's always been a rotten cunt."
Jade Goody diagnosed with cervical cancer.
Gary Glitter freed from prison.
It's a big news day for sick cunts.
A woman came up to me and said, "During the Olympics, it's important to
remember Tibet."
I agree wholeheartedly, so I've stuck twenty quid on Phillips Idowu to
take gold in the triple jump.
Gary Glitter has been given a date for his release............
Shes 8, but with her make up on, she looks at least 12
Was watching the Olympics on TV yesterday and it looked like there was a
problem with the floodlights being too bright....Most of the crowd
seemed to be squinting !
Try saying 'halal meat' without sounding like a Geordie greeting
someone.
In light of ten French Soldiers being killed in Afghanistan, the French
Army has ordered its troops to wear their bulletproof vests back to
front.
This will ensure no more of its troops are killed as a result of running
away or retreating.
The phone lines in Beijing are dreadful. When Michael Phelps phoned for
a pair of Speedos, they sent Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter
Why are English people so proud of their country?
Have you never done a great big pile of shit and stood back and admired
it?