Are you Scottish? ..........

You know you are a true Scot if...........

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie,
Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,
in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips,
irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
away an bile yer heid
humphey backit
baw bag
dubble nugget
And finally......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher
has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back,
with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot
the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies
the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.